Aridity and Anxiety

       Life is full of simple bits of wisdom and insights into the heart of God, but at the same time life is also peppered with times of strain, weariness, and aridity. As I finish the third quarter of this year as a high school religion teacher, I have been experiencing the latter. You see, from the moment a teacher sets foot out of the comfort and privacy of his vehicle, his life, his time, his heart, and his love, are no longer his own. Patience is perpetually tested, the mind is baffled, the heart is wounded, the body wearied... and yet still the teacher must persevere
through cramped hands from grading paper after paper or the tedium of reviewing the same test questions for the hundredth time. Three o'clock in the afternoon comes like the dawning of a new day at which the teacher is already looking forward to the welcoming embrace of his bed's mattress.
       How does one deal with this? Perhaps that is not even the correct question to be asking because life and work are not about 'dealing' but rather about how much can I love. So I ought to be asking, what more can I do to love? How have I been loving? This inspiration was a result of reading from True Devotion to the Holy Spirit, a delightful and insightful book into the life of the Spirit in the soul of man. It was while reading this last night before bed that I realized, I have not been concerned with how am I loving, but simply on getting by. I am not reaching students in the way I would like, I am not changing their lives, I am not interesting them in the subject matter of class, I am not saving their souls, I am insignificant, I am not capable of being a favored and admired teacher. It is not a problem that these things are, but rather that I found them surprising. Of course, I cannot do any of the above. Only through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit can I accomplish anything and even then it is the work of God through me, the instrument. If I were to do any of those things I listed on my own, my pride would certainly soar to preposterous heights weighing me to the ground. Nevertheless, the fact that I would be surprised or frustrated at my lack of 'success' as a teacher manifests a certain pride that certainly needs to be addressed.
      So I am grateful to the Holy Spirit for His inspiration in my life and I am confidant that He will indeed touch the hearts of my students however unsuccessful I may be. God chooses and uses the most insignificant of instruments and people who do not seem to have the right attitude, skills, or desires to accomplish His will. Jesus chose twelve fishermen, the lower class of society to found His Church upon and those twelve men with the Holy Spirit changed the face of the earth through all ages past and present. The Apostles never saw the growth and the majesty of the Church in their lives. They all saw persecution and they all faced death for their faith. How weak is my hope, is ours? We who lose hope in the face of hardship or discouragement or even mere aridity in the spiritual life. Let you and I take heart in the example of the Apostles, trusting in the power of the Holy Spirit to work out conversion of hearts no matter how we feel or perceive our contributions.